Pornography addiction is “…cunning, baffling, and powerful.”
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[/custom_frame_left]Relapse, while not required, is often a part of recovery.
All too often, I hear the story of chronic relapse. Again and again, despite one’s best efforts to stop, the “dark wolf” of pornography addiction rears its ugly head.
Does this sound familiar?
“I don’t know what happened.” “I was doing the things I was supposed to do and just ‘found’ myself looking at porn.” “I seem to just have a cycle of about [name a number] days sexually sober and then I relapse again.”
“Maybe I just can’t do this…”
Stop. Start. Stop. Start.
Well, rather than go through all the stuff you already know to do to stay sober from pornography. I’ll lay out the 7 ways that people STAY addicted to porn and keep the battle going. When I’m done, I’ll share with you the one way to get free and stay free from pornography addiction.
1. Keep Secrets – Don’t take the risk of being honest and vulnerable and don’t stay sober. Pornography addiction thrives in the dark, so keep your secrets and keep your porn.
2. Only go to 12-step meetings when you have the time - You are a busy person and it’s tough to juggle family, work, and recovery. Keep meetings a low priority and keep acting out.
3. Find a counselor that won’t hold you accountable – A good counselor will hold you accountable. That can be uncomfortable and awkward. Stick with a counselor who knows less than you do about porn addiction and stick with your addiction.
4. Masturbation – Tell yourself that it’s okay to masturbate as long as you don’t use pornography or as long as you don’t “finish.” You have sexual needs don’t you? Masturbate in early sobriety and get back to your pornography quicker.
5. Take your time getting a 12-step sponsor – Asking someone to be your sponsor feels pretty weird, calling him is awkward, and having coffee and talking is stranger still. Sponsorship is a good idea that you can get to when the time is right. Eventually you will find the right sponsor …or maybe you will just act out again.
6. Don’t get an Internet filter – Your life requires Internet access and putting a block on your computer is a hassle and could cause you embarrassment. Besides, you could still get porn if you really wanted to. Filters won’t stop you so what’s the point? Be sure to keep your smart phone too.
7. Neglect self-care – Now is the time to work as many hours as you can to get caught up. Stay up late working or watching TV and eat whenever you think about food. Exercise is optional. Burn the candle and watch your sobriety melt away.
That’s the list. The seven ways to stay addicted to pornography. It’s your choice.
Now, about the one way to get free and stay free from your addiction: Make a Decision to do whatever it takes, no matter what it takes, for as long as it takes to stay sexually sober. Begin with a decision and you will have decided to get help, follow directions, be accountable, find a path to a spiritual experience, and live your life with healthy sexuality, intimacy, and integrity.
Choose wisely my friends. You really are worth it!
Jeff Schultz, LPC, CSAT, is the owner and founder of the Sonoran Healing Center in Phoenix, Arizona.